One of the worst things you can do to ensure that a relationship will hit the rocks is to pre-judge others. So many people judge others first; their first reaction is to ask, “What’s wrong with this person?”
Let’s say for example you move into a new house and you love it but after a while you notice little problems with the house. The same happens when you meet someone for the first time and absolutely adore them. You’re in love; the person is charming, wonderful, beautiful or handsome. You accept this person based on their appearance and personality, but you are not really noticing the person for who they truly are.
Then after a while you start to notice little things that you question about the person. At first your partner is fine without you pointing these things out. You may give your partner a look or a subtle reaction. They may try to correct some of these things you notice but then you start pointing them out and the person starts to get resentful.
You are not accepting him or her as they really are. You want them to be different. Soon it becomes a way of life or a habit, judging the things they do wrong like the way they eat, dress or that they are always late.
I like to notice, not judge. When I am traveling I usually eat at a hotel restaurant where I am staying. When I’m eating dinner or lunch I often hear people talking about other people. Usually they are pointing out what is wrong with them.
This is a very bad habit people develop particularly in the family. For example, one family member points out the faults of another family member that they’d never do with a friend. It’s all about demanding people to be different. It’s an obsession of looking at other people and judging, “what’s wrong with them” first.
One of the ways to stop this is to simply admit you judge. If you make a commitment to stop judging and just notice you will become a much better person and have better relationships. No one likes to be judged. I’ve never heard anyone say, “It’s great that my spouse or friends or coworkers pick me apart.”
First stop judging yourself and then make the commitment to stop judging other people. Just notice and appreciate them and you’ll be amazed at how the quality of your relationships improves and every area of your life gets better.
When you stop judging it allows you to learn from your friends and family members. They know you very well; they know your habits, how you react to certain things, they are aware of your blind spots you can’t see.
Don’t judge people, whether it’s your spouse, child, a co-worker or a friend. Just notice them and look at them as doing the very best they can and when you do this you’re setting up a very good foundation not only for the present moment interaction but also for all future interactions with that person.
