Family members are often the people who are the least willing to listen to your advice. I have found the main reasons for this is because your family members get defensive and tired of hearing about what they have done something wrong or could be doing better. They are afraid to admit that they could learn something from someone close to them such as a member of their family.
I have family members and friends who would never ask or take advice from me even though I can often see things that if they stopped doing or did a different way would help them. If they made one or two simple changes, it would make a positive difference in their life. One of the greatest assets I possess is being willing to learn from my friends and family members by asking for their advice and suggestions.
Members of your family often have great advice to give you, and you can learn a lot from the people who love you the most. You just have to be open and avoid the tendency to be defensive. If you can just swallow your pride and get out of your ego and simply ask for help, your life will be better for it.
Your spouse probably knows a lot of ways you can improve yourself and he or she will tell you if you ask. Just avoid the tendency to become defensive. Don’t get bothered or annoyed by their comments because if you step back and really listen to what they tell you, it can help improve your life.
We often look at people as inconveniencing us. For example, we look at our spouse and get mad because he or she said something we didn’t like but we forget that we are all in this soul journey together. We get caught up in our thinking from time to time. We get into bad moods; say and do things that we wouldn’t if we were in a good mood.
When you judge members of your family instead of just witnessing their beautiful spirit, you are all but guaranteeing a bad interaction. When you notice a member of your family and see him or her as loving spirit doing the best they can, it’s almost impossible to have a bad interaction.
If someone in your family snaps at you, see it as their personality talking and not their spirit. By seeing them this way you probably won’t be so inclined to snap back at them with a confrontational comment. When your spouse or one of one of your children makes a mistake see them as a loving spirit doing the best they can. When you witness them in this way, you’ll realize they are not doing it on purpose. They are doing the best they know how to do in the moment.
I see clients all the time who get enraged at their spouse or one of their children or their brother or sister or their Mom or Dad. They are upset at something they’ve said or done. When you are angry, you judge people. You see them as guilty, faulty, and insufficient and that creates a defensive environment and that will never succeed. Instead when you need to see them as trying to do the very best they know how to do. When you try to embrace that it will often bring it out the best in them. This is the way you get other people to look inside and change their own behavior.
Never judge another family member whether it’s your spouse, child, mother or father. Just notice them and look at them as doing the very best they can. When you do this, you’re setting up a very good foundation not only for the present moment interaction but also for all future interactions with that person.
The dynamics of your various relationships are going to be very different on the surface. In other words, the relationship you have with your child is certainly different from that of your spouse, and other members of your family. This is where a lot of our focus is, – on the differences. It is much more important to focus on the similarities that you have with others.
You do this by being present. For example, the single most important gift you can give to your child is to be present. Give them your undivided attention. Ask your son or daughter how their day was at school and be genuinely interested. The same is true for with your spouse. Be interested in how his or her day was and then actively listen.
A common mistake people make with family members is to try to force a conversation. If your spouse or child doesn’t want to talk about their day, don’t try to force them to talk. Just smile and let them know with an open heart that you are there are ready to listen when they want to talk.
Focus on your family members and really appreciate them. When you do, they know. They will feel your loving energy. It will bring out the love in them and their self-esteem will soar.
We all have different relationships and dynamics. The way we treat each member of our family is certainly different yet there is this underlying sense of love, appreciation and being present that exists in all successful relationships. Understanding this is what builds strong family relationships and helps every member in their soul growth.
