One of the biggest causes of trouble in relationships is not being able to see things from the other person’s perspective. In most relationships, there is always this dangerous dynamic where one person is right and the other person is wrong.
It’s important to remember, everyone has their own specific thought system. We were all brought into this world under different circumstances, we have different parents, different upbringings. What is important to some people is not to others.
There is no right or wrong; it’s just the way we were taught. Yet we often expect others to see things the same way we do and act the same way we do. When they don’t, it makes us mad.
Since so many us of live in our intellect we often feel like, “I can’t believe he or she doesn’t feel the same way I do?” “What’s wrong with them?” “Why can’t they see it the right way, my way?” We get so lost in the disagreement that we forget the other person might have a different perspective on things.
I am just the opposite in my interactions with people. I never expect them to see things from my perspective. In fact, I’m genuinely surprised when someone sees something the same way I do.
Unfortunately, most people do expect others to see things from their perspective. It’s a matter of I’m right and you’re wrong. This is a major cause of stress in relationships and often causes them to break up.
If you’ve ever been to another country other than the one you live in, it is delightful to see how different the people are. In my profession, I travel a lot. When I travel outside the United States to a county I have never been to before, I am always amazed at the customs and traditions of the people.
I marvel at their differences and how they think and prioritize things in their life. I love how the people in certain countries stop their work at certain times during the day to spend time with their family. All these wonderful traditions are spectacular in my eyes and I’m always delighted by them.
We can bring that same understanding to our relationships with other people. Rather than being annoyed by or judging people, we can show this same attitude of interest. We should be very interested in the way other people see things rather than becoming defensive about it.
There was a time early in my life when I would get defensive. I lived solely in my ego mind. If someone disagreed with me, made fun of me or didn’t agree with my way of thinking, I would get very upset and defensive. Now, I’m fine with their differing opinions, and I’m surprised when they see eye to eye with me.
It’s important that people see things differently, and look at life differently. When you allow people to be different, and show genuine interest in their differing viewpoints it will take a lot of stress out of your life.
I’m often asked the question, “how do I find common ground with another person I disagree with?” I tell people the common ground is that we all have a beautiful, loving spirit. Learn to notice people’s spirit. If you were to remove all the ego-based fears, insecurities and worry in people, what you are left with is their spirit. When you see past their personality and see their spirit, you have a very healthy thought process.
We have two distinct modes of thinking: analytical and passive. When you’re thinking analytically, you are trying to come up with answers using a lot of effort. You are analyzing life. Predetermining what is right and what is wrong.
For example, if you are thinking analytically you are trying to solve problems. Business people are live in this way of thinking because they are constantly trying to figure out how to make more money. This type of thinking is where you are totally in your ego mind and disconnected from your spirit.
When you are thinking passively, you are using your intuition. You are connected to your spirit. Your mind is quiet, and you are not judging anyone or anything You let thoughts come to you. You don’t think, rather you just let your spirit move you. When you are in this state of mind you are thinking in a healthy way and you see all as one, each person is part of the whole. It’s a magical way to live. This all results from quieting down and being in the flow.
The key to happy and purposeful relationships is to be able to just witness another person’s spirit. See their love and beauty without and judgement or control. You’ll find what is left is a healthy thought process
Thinking passively allows you to start communicating with other people from your heart space to theirs. People will always meet you at the energy level where you are. When you connect with people on this level it brings out these incredible feelings and creates a connection that is beyond words.
