Knowing the right time to talk is very important in relationships. At the root of all good communication is rapport. When you learn to speak at the right time, you give people the chance to trust you and in turn you trust them. You give yourself the chance to really connect with them deeply, and that is genuine.
When someone talks to you, quiet down, listen and allow the other person to become comfortable with you before you jump in and talk.
For example, when you’re taking to a teenager, the worst thing you can do is start lecturing him or her. You haven’t developed any rapport to just jump in and start badgering the teenager. Instead take a moment to be quiet and make the connection. Listen and check out his or her feelings. Make sure the time is right to talk by asking them, “Is this a good time to talk?”
When you take the time to ask, you’ll gain a sense of respect from the other person. It sets the stage and gives the other person an out by getting their permission to have the conversation first. You develop common ground. Before you begin the conversation you’ve already been given the permission that it’s alright to have the conversation.
Knowing the right time to talk is a very loving way to communicate with people. Whether I’m in consultation with a client or teaching a class I am always tuning into the other person’s energy and listening first. It’s essential that I make them feel comfortable with me before I do a reading, consultation or teach.
When you’re badgering someone, speaking too fast or jumping in and out of turn, you are wasting communication. This elicits a defensive response from the other person. It encourages people not to listen to you. On the other hand, when you really connect with people at the right time, it sets the stage for the conversation to go well.
If you want to ensure that you have effective communication, the first thing you need to do is to find your bearings. Make sure it’s a good time. Try not to talk to people when you’re angry, frustrated or in a bad mood. If you’re angry or reactive, it’s not the time to talk to someone, and not the time to bring up an important issue.
The time to talk with people is when you have your bearings; when you’ve gathered yourself. When you feel grounded, and feel as though you’re able to make a connection.
There will be times when you must react and respond immediately. Times when you’re not ready. For example, you might be at work and don’t have your bearings but you need to say something. You’re in a meeting and need to contribute to the conversation but you don’t have time to sit back and reflect.
Just knowing that what you want to say is important can insulate you from many of the problems caused by talking when you’re not ready. In other words, if you know that you are not present or you’re in a bad mood, you will automatically make allowances for what you say.
If you’re in this type of situation, you might say to yourself, “I know I’m about to get defensive here so this is not the ideal time to talk.” “Since I need to talk, I’ll factor that awareness into this conversation.” Doing this will often save you from embarrassment.
Taking the time to think about the current situation you’re in before you talk is an important part of building strong relationships.
