Perhaps the most important way to get a fresh start in relationships is to understand you can’t have a good relationship if you assume that the other person is going to do it for you. If you feel he or she needs to change or it’s not going to work.
The best place to start is with yourself. You need to find hope. The way to do this is to think back to the times when you really did have a happy relationship. For example, think back to the first time you met your spouse or partner, when things were really going well.
When you do this, it enables you to take your attention off the current drama and think about what you really love about that person. It allows you to recognize that there is always a hidden spark somewhere. You know there is always hope, and the possibilities that things could be better.
To get a fresh start, you need to recognize your own thinking. People have negative conversations in their heads all day long. When you allow this to happen, you are setting yourself up to have bad relationships.
For example, a client of mine was having trouble in her marriage, during our session I picked up that she was allowing too many negative thoughts about the relationship influence her. She got defensive with me, feeling that it was not her fault but rather her husband’s
When she came for her next appointment she told me that she was listening to the radio in her car and a story came up on how many marriages end up in divorce. She said that she started thinking about her marriage and how likely it was going to end up in divorce. At that point, she understood what I had told her in our first session. It wasn’t her husband. It was her own thoughts that were having a negative effect on her marriage.
Once she realized what she had been doing wrong, she was able to retrace her steps. She turned her negative thoughts to positive and put this new energy into their relationship. Once she did this she and her husband were then able to have fresh start in their marriage.
This applies to many people. We keep thinking about this and that. We forget we’re the ones having the negative thoughts. It’s wrong to blame your spouse or partner for any problems you’re having. You need to look inside for the answers.
By recognizing and acknowledging that it’s your own thinking that is part of the problem, it gives you humility. It enables you to back off. When give yourself space it enables you to recognize your own contribution to the problem. This also gives you an enormous sense of hope because you start to realize that you’re playing a part in resolving the situation.
You are no different from anyone else. People make mistakes, say bad things. They get themselves into difficult situations, but let’s not forget we are all spiritual beings having a human experience.
When you can look past the other person’s manufactured personality and witness them as they really are. A beautiful spiritual being then, your loving energy will facilitate transformational change in the way they look at others.
When you learn to witness the other person’s spirit you realize they would never have been mad at you if they had a choice. They are not intentionally beating themselves up and getting mad at you. That is not something people set out to do.
People don’t wake up in the morning and automatically think, “I’m really going to be angry at my partner today.” It just happens innocently and when you start to witness the other person’s spirit, it really opens the door for you to get a fresh start in your relationship.
